Making God Laugh Through Our Future Planning Talk

So between my husband and me, I’ve always been the “planner”–the one who’s

just never satisfied staying solely in the moment, and who has to discuss
what our future holds… and then revisit it again (and again) to make sure
we’re both on the same page.  LOL! To know me is to  (hopefully) love that
aspect of me. *smile* In any event, my husband Derek wasn’t shocked when I
broached the topic of “So when are we giving Chase his sister/brother?”

Mind you, I was asking this question while still pregnant with our first son
Chase!

You see, my older sister and I are 1 year and 4 months apart.  We were two
grades apart in school, which allowed us the autonomy within the school
setting to spread our wings as we needed, yet we shared many of the same
neighborhood friends and were super close as kids.  We shared a room for
many years, which brought us that much closer. It’s wonderful having a
sibling/playmate close in age to grow up with.

On the other hand, Derek and his brother are a little over 3 years apart.
They’re close now as adults, but I believe that happened with time.  Derek
admits that he had mixed feelings about getting a younger brother “at that
time,” but feels that now (as adults) the age difference is of no
significance.  So he thinks our babies should have a wider age gap as well.

So with our different experiences dictating our thought process, we had to
sit and thoughtfully weight the pros and cons of how we wanted to do this.
I reminded him that, as a woman who isn’t exactly a spring chicken, there
are real concerns we must stay mindful of.  We don’t have the luxury of time
on our hands to be spacing children out 3+ years apart.  I told him that I
want to have any additional babies while I’m young and spry, and while my
body is still primed for child-bearing.  Derek is a reasonable man, and he
understood all these concerns.

So after thoughtful consideration, we came to a fair compromise regarding
when we’ll start TTC. We’ve decided that we want the kids to be TWO years
apart.  Thus, we’d like to get pregnant when Chase is 14 months, which would
place our Baby #2 here sometime in January 2011. *smile* So ever since
coming to this agreement I was sooo excited thinking about having my second
baby (girl!!!) who is exactly two years younger than her older brother!
Perfect timetable, perfect 2.5 kids, perfect plan.  Simply perfect.  Right?
I found myself daydreaming about it throughout the day, and counting down
the months until we’re ready to start TTC.

Suddenly, like some pesky little gnat, one of my favorite expressions popped
into my mind… and once there, it wouldn’t be ignored.  And it caused me to
really start reflecting.  It’s an old one, I’m sure you’ve heard it.

“Want to make God Laugh?  Tell him your plans.”

My most enduring prayer over the last 10 years or so was to ask God to bring
a special man into my life.  I felt a strong desire to marry and start a
family, but alas, hadn’t met “the one” even after six years living in NY.
By that point I had already decided my (future) husband wasn’t in New York,
and had begun making active plans to relocate back down south upon
graduation from school.  You see, according to my “plans,” I should have
been married and on Baby #2 five years ago.  But even through my impatience,
I could always sense God smiling, telling me: “Be patient, child.  My
timetable will prove to be much more fruitful than yours.”

And then I met Derek.

I look back and realize that my unmarried, child-free existence through my
20’s was a tremendous Blessing. Firstly, it  gave me so much more time to
find my spiritual path and grow more fully in God.  I had a (somewhat
unstable) relationship with Him prior to moving to New York, but really got
“right” with Him during my time living in Brooklyn. Through my singleness, I
had time to write my dissertation and balance four jobs while in a rigorous
doctoral program.  I wouldn’t have been able to complete this program
(within the time frame that I did) with a new baby.  I couldn’t even imagine
coming home to manage a household, a baby and a husband, and school work.
Something would have been compromised–be it family life or studying–and
both are such passions of mine that would have broken my heart.  Living
alone and unattached allowed me to stay on campus and work–squirreling
money away into a high interest Money Market account that would otherwise
have been spent on expensive city living and family life.  My singleness
gave me time to learn to decorate cakes and hone my other creative talents,
like scrap-booking, building display rooms for my collectible dolls, and
learning about black hair care.  It also allowed time for me to give back to
the community through volunteer work with local organizations.  And through
all of this, I’ve had the past 10 years to grow greatly in ways I couldn’t
have imagined.

So with that said, my “timetable” for Baby #2 is slowly becoming less rigid
in my mind.  Oh, I’ll always be a planner!  That’s just who I am.  But with
the renewed awareness that I’m not the one in ultimate control, it allows me
to relax a bit and not be as stressed as I otherwise would.  When the time
comes for us to begin trying to conceive, we’ll do so with the awareness
that ALL things happen when they’re supposed to AND for a reason.  And that
reason isn’t always known to us right away, but is usually revealed in
time.  Chase came as a surprise to both of us–but Derek and I
whole-heartedly agree that he was the best thing that has happened to either
of us, and really, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  We wouldn’t
change one thing about how our lives unfolded with the arrival of our son.
So I’m going to keep that in mind if my “plans” don’t turn out exactly as
I’d hoped.  If not January 2011, we’ll get our baby girl when we’re supposed
to!

And that’s good enough for me! *smile*